Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs

What with everybody these days sinking their teeth into dandruff groups like Kenny and the Kasuals, the Music Machine, the 13th Floor Elevators, the Chocolate Watchband, the Sonics, the Shadows of Knight, and on down the list (sorry if I left out your favorites), it's only logical that the name Sam the Sham should crop up every now and then within collectors" circles. Not that he's esoteric, mind you. In fact, the booger had two million selling records in just one year — "Wooly Bully" and "Li'l Red Riding Hood." But for some reason people simply got tired of hearing Sam and his Pharoahs rehashing the same old riff. So he passed into obscurity, and most of his albums can now be obtained in bargain bins for around 47 cents per.

To fully appreciate Sam and his music, tho, you have to be familiar with tacos, greasy whores, and tequila. I mean, Sam the Sham's real name is Domingo Samudio, and you could probably assume as much just from looking at his face. Nevertheless, it's a good name. Now this Domingo ringworm was bom in Dallas. Dallas is perhaps the roughest looking city in America, and you can't even cross a street there without getting shot at. It's the perfect hangout for crazies of all sorts. Domingo grew up in this type of environment, but he avoided all the hailstones and pitfalls (primarily because his brain was jelly). He even went so far as to enroll in Arlington State College, but I expect he was much too stupid for that route. So eventually he purchased a Farfisa organ and got some gigs together and spoured the garbage heaps for some incompetent musicians. And he hit the jackpot, too!! One member was a TV wrestler and another was a butcher and the third sucker played football and I think the fourth dude was actually an undertaker. It don't matter none nohow. The important thing to remember is that they were all morons, and none of em had any musical background before.

Well, the wiley groover had the gall to abandon the mad Dallas scene, and so, he took the whole kit-and-kaboodle to Memphis where they finally netted an image. (Some scholars have accused Sam of stealing his Middle-eastern image from a group called the Devil's Anvil, but I hardly think so. Sam was top much of a dumbshit to have even heard of the Devil's Anvil so I imagine he just hap-

pened onto David Lean s Lawrence of Arabia in some gritty movie house and walked outa there with a hghtbulb over his noggin muttering, "that's it, that's it".) Fellow members of his group were than ordered to wear flowing garbs and to pretend they had sand up their noses by sneezing a lot. Then Sam rented a hearse from the uncle of the undertaker member of the group. I believe they stole this idea from a local Memphis TV personality, called Sivad. Sivad had a show on late-nites every Friday entitled "Fantastic Features" which included great flicks Kke The Wasp Woman, The Hypnotic Eye, Voodoo Island, Rodan, The Fly, etc. Sivad was very popular amongst the teen set so he toured West Tennessee and East Arkansas in a hearse. He had worked up an act in which he'd play variously assorted bizarre musical instruments which were shaped like parts of the human anatomy. For instance, a clarinet would be called a skeletone and be in the mold of a human leg bone. Or for drums he used human skulls. Anyway, he brought these extravaganzas to high school gyms and performed during pep rallies. I caught his act at my high school once when he played "Sherry" on an accordian which resembled a human lung. -Undoubtedly, Sam the Sham was just goofy

enough to be familiar with this Sivad character.

However, although I've faintly traced the origin of the Pharoahs" image, there still exists an obstacle. For Sam and his group were only Arabs on the first album. Certainly most groups change their image in media res (take the Rascals or Love, for instance) and some even wear their image into the ground (Black Sabbath, Creedence, the Lovin Spoonful), but very few swap the sequin suit as frequently as the Pharoahs. I mean, Sam had em change their costumes for every fucking album!!! On their first album they're simply dressed as colorful Pharoahs, but on album No. 2 Sam is suited up like a wizard and the rest of the boys are in red jumpsuits and they're all trying to look so goddamn evil by cuddling these plastic lizards (the buckteeth Pharoah is even caressing a bullfrog). On the third album, Sam has cleaned himself up a bit and they all look like restaurant owners. Then on the cover of the On Tour elpee they just look like swinging Soho limeys (compare with the cover of the Who's My Generation). Not to mention the fold-out Best Of record which features the boys as cherry blossom peaceniks — all groovy and bellbottomy. The costume parade ends here, but they sure were struttin" fine.

Furthermore, the tastelessness of Sam the Sham's attire only compliments his music. For example, let's take the Pharoahs" most tasteless representative cuts from each album, and you'll see how they could even top the Jimmy Castor Bunch when they wanted to.

Wooly Bully — "Wooly Bully," the story of a beast which has two big horns and a wooly dog. Hattie and Mattie are both terrified of this creature, and their fear is introduced to the listener thru Sam the Sham's piercing "Watch It Now, Watch it, Here It Comes!!" Sam obviously got the idea for this one from some monster movie he saw on Sivad's "Fantastic Features" program.

Their Second Album — "Ju Ju Hand," one of those cleverly concealed songs about hand jobs which date back to the earlier hits like "Willy and the Hand Jive" or "Handle My Pickle." This is actually Sam the Sham's only obscene ditty. It stinks, tho. the Li't Red Riding Hood LP — I could put down the whole second side, but I'm afraid that would only prove tedious. "The Phantom," it's all about this naughty schoolboy who puts chicken gizzards in his teacher's purse. But the worst part, however, is during the fadeout when the vocalist sez he's an agent from S.L.U.S.H., an organization established to put a dent in good music.

On Tour — nothing tasteless here, folks. It's too perfect to cut down.

Best Of — "El Toro De Goro (The Peace Loving Bull)" this one is so low that it doesn't even have decent novelty appeal. Herb Alpert meets Ray Stevens.

But the Living Taco didn't stop there, nosirree. He went on to make two more swell obnoxious singles - "Black Sheep" and "How Do You Catch a Girl." "Black Sheep" is Sam's corniest single ever but that don't mean shit. It sounds like all the others, anyway. A cretin can only have so many powerful hits and then he just runs dry. But Sam musta had the trots cause that othfir abovementioned single is just a Dixie peach. And what's more it even has a dose of good lyrics. Say ah:

Daniel Boone took a rifle and a coonskin cap Then he found an icy stream and he set a little trap Then he took a bit of jerky and he took a little nap Cause he knew he'd catch a beaver or a big muskrat

But how do you catch a girl How do you catch a girl Won't somebody tell me, please How do you catch a girl.

There's suicidal desperation in his voice when Sam moans out that chorus. Jeez, .he must really want some bubbling snatch juice bad. But the best thing about this song is that Sam never really reaches any conclusions so at least he's mad enough to realize that the beat goes on.

Even Sam the Sham fiends are slightly skeptical about their lack of taste. It's almost

as if the fan refuses to accept the premise that such trash can exist. Consider this brief excerpt from a letter I got from a Texas friend:

Dear Robot,

In Arlington, Sam & the Pharoahs went to school (UTA) about a mile from my house. They were local biggies. I loved em, but I thought most assuredly that I was the only person in the world who had the complete collection of Sam the Sham albums.

I guess, it's like admitting you have the Wild Thing's Partyin" record on Elektra, or the Napoleon the Fourteenth album, or the complete set of NorvousNervous hits. This gunk don't appeal to everybody like Grand Funk does, you know.

To repeat, in order to comprehend the vision "of Sam the Sham, it's essential that you place him in the context of his region. Certainly you'd do the same thing for Mitch Ryder or Bob Seger or even Doug Sahm. In fact, the Pharoahs" music does the same thing for primitive Dallas territory as the Outsiders" blabber does for Cleveland or what Dennis Yost and the Classics IV did for Atlanta.

But what actually got me off on this tangent about Sam the Sham and his mad disciples is that I saw him this summer in Mexico at the bullfights. Yep, right there across from me. And when the matador began stabbing the bull and gouging him silly, there was old Sam laughing at the spurting blood. Certainly all those grimey-faced fans were chuckling under their breath cause they were all pretty much matadors themselves. But Sam was the only one there with several hit singles under his belt so I imagine he felt the meanest. Power corrupts, you see, and that's what happened to poor Sam at the end of his career — he went solo.

All of his stuff was fairly tasteless, though, and you shouldn't really expect anything outa his music like you do with Rot Stew and the Smelly Feces or Turd Runnygrin. And hell, most of it's just unlistenable. But before before, those Texas days, whew, and goddam, you gotta hand it to him - Sam the Sham was positively a natural groover. And he used to be quite a kuntzman, too, when all duded up.