THE MILLIONAIRE

Dear CREEM:

My fifteen years of highly costly research involving hundreds of case studies is now complete. Would you be so kind as to publish the findings?

To wit: in every instance observed, rock and roll musicians were corrupted by money. Thank you.

Yours truly,

J. Bersford Tipton Philanthropist Palatial Estates, N.Y.

P.S. Enclosed is a cashier’s check for $1,000,000 which will cover my CREEM subscription for the next 166,666 2/3 years.

Dear CREEM:

Re: Marchello (formerly the Good Rats):

We partied at Back Alley Sally’s during the heyday of the Coatroom featuring Frankie Avila (that good-looking Italian) and his sidekick “Yell-Your-Balls-Off’ Duffy, back when the drinks were real cheap. We drank out asses off and we orcked on into the wee Diner hours. Glen Cove Paul frequents the action at Back Alley Sally’s with the Coatroom Groupies, which is an extra added attraction.

It is still a good place and Marchello is better than ever.

Jo & Kay Glen Head, L.I.

Dear CREEM: