A Who Primer

Hippity hop and flippity flop we’re off to see the Who. Who? The Who, that’s who. (Peter Townshend plays guitar just like that too . . . WHOOOO? WHOOOOO. WHOOO WHOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOM.)

See the funny girls backstage. “No tickee no watchee,” sez the backdoor man. (The men don’t know but the little girls unnerstan’.)

Mylon is on stage. Mylon tries very hard. He is stoned. He says so. I am bored. I say so. We walk around.

Guzzle-toke, here is a Who fan. See him laugh. See him take a pill; it is red. See the wine bottle. See him drink. Slurp, guzzle. See the joint. Toke, Who fan, toke.

Some of the guzzle-tokers don’t have tickets. They are very mad. That is reasonable. Except there isn’t any room inside. Crash, bam, boom! See the plate glass window come down. See the rock writer get scared. He had heard about what happened at Forest Hills: a guzzle-toker died there. The writer calms down after the guzzle-tokers are repulsed. He is left feeling am-bi-va-lent. That means confused.

See Keith Moon. See him guzzle. We do not see the Who toke. But we do see them guzzle. A lot. Guzzle, Keith, guzzle. Guzzle, guzzle, guzzle.

See the pretty girls. See them hide behind Maybelline, Max Factor, Prince Matchabelli and Revlon. These are not rock stars, they are cosmetic companies. The rock stars are hiding behind Budweiser, Johnny Walker and Gilbey’s.

Except for Peter Townshend. He is standing behind a button'of a funny man with a beard and a grin. The bearded grinner’s name is Meher Baba. Peter Townshend has a beard too. He does not have a grin, at least not tonight. That is understandable.

Hear the Who start to play. See Peter jump. Jump, Peter, jump. See Keith drum. Twirl, Keith, twirl. Hear Roger sing. Dance, Roger, dance. Who is that funny guy in the corner? Oh, that is John Entwistle. He always acts like that.

See the rock writer. He has been worried all day. He is not sure the Who are so great any more. Lots of ordinary people like them now. He smiles when they go into “Baby Don’t Do It.” Smile, rdck writer, smile. He is sure now. They are still the Who. They are THE BEST FUCKIN’ BAND HE’S EVER SEEN.

Now see the audience. They are worried too. The Who have played for almost an hour. But they haven’t done Tommy. Play, Who, play. Cheer, Who fans, cheer. Call for “See Me Feel Me,” guzzle-tokers. Call, call. The Who just keep playing. Great, Who, great.

See Peter Townshend. See him talk to the crowd. Meher Baba did not speak for forty years. Peter Townshend loves Meher Baba. But not that much. v

See Roger Daltrey. See him scream. Scream, Roger, scream. You are better at it than Joe Cocker.

See John Entwistle. If you can.

See Keith Moon. He is guzzling, even on stage. Keith owns a pub in Britian. We understand Keith. It is cheaper that way.

See the Who smash. Smash, Peter, smash. Break, Keith, break. Stand, John, stand. Listen to the funny noises. They are piercing noises. Feel your ear drums implode audience. Pain, pain, pain.

See the Who take a curtain call. Bow, boys, bow. You did it again. The audience is happy. But they still wish you’d done Tommy. Oh well.