THE POP SOAP OPERA:

THE POP SOAP OPERA:

ANNOUNCER: Welcome once again to "Searching For The Very Souls That Already Have Been Sold” our continuing story of life and 2 love, laughter and liberty tears and fears and feeling proud within the Popular Music World we, all know and love so well. Last time, you will — recall, Little Judy Collins, the. world’s most experienced virgin, set out to find out if there was any truth to the rumor that she was Dorothy Collins’ daughter. On the way to. Grandma’s house, she was stopped by J U D A S S

ASPARAGUS; the

money-seeking record mongoul of Popular Music Land. He told her that it,was predicted that the most popular female folk singer was going to commit sucide, and if JUDY remained/ alive, she would prove her own lack of popularity. JUDASS' then offered her a hemlock joint, but' JUDY, a good Synanon member, refused tokes.

In today’s episode, we flash back to late 1968, just after,. JUDY’S recording of “Both i Sides Now” became number one on all the Pimple-Pop AM radio stations. JUDASS and JUDY are discussing J UDY’S next album: “JUDY

COLLINS: WHO KNOWS WHERE THE TIME GOES”.

JUDY: Why not on this

album cain’t I jest sing and play the . guitar all by my lonesome, Jed?

JUDASS: .• , That just isn’t done,

Judy Dear, Nobody just plays the guitar; anymore, not even Bob Dylan (they s kneel and make the' Sign of the Peace). You’ve got to have the Full Orchestral Sound behind it. Remember: Words -and musifc is not enough? you’ve got to have that -orchestra stuff! Besides, we have a contract with the musician’s union.

JUDY: Shucks.

JUDASS: (he refers to his

notes) Let’s see here.. .the Country

Sound is becomming popular.

JUDY: I wanna sing some

cowboy songs!

JUDASS: Cowboy songs?!

They have a popularity rating of orily two! No, Judy Love, ballads and “Together” songs are big today. (Each time he says “together” he puts t h e

“ I r kn o w-that-y ou; Know” look in his eyes that he learned fromAlan Watts). We’ll have our T o g.e t h e r Department choose ■ four con tempary ballads and five philosophically I sound songs. x

JUDY: I wanna sing a

cowboy song!

JUDASS: Very well, Judy.

One cowboy, song,

!»three contemporary ballads, and five philosophically sound songs.

JUDY: Yahoo!

JUDASS: Now, about the

album photos; I think few the cover we should have a close up of your face looking pensive and mysterious.

JUDY: Shucks, we had a

picture of me —looking pensive and mysterious on six albums now, Jud.

JUDASS: Don’t mess with.

sucess, baby. Now for the back cover I think a picture of you holding your own hand and looking tearful, fearful BUT hopeful would be in order.

JUDY: But we did that

, before. Why ndt do

something different?

JUDASS: (ignoring and

continuing) and for the center spread, a color photo of you inconcern*

JUDY: But Big Brother did

that, with their album.

JUDASS: ' And I know from1

where the money comes! /

ANNQUNCER: (cutting in) Will Judy remain a virgin while being prostituted? Does Judy REALLY know where the time goes. Will Judy reach the Emerald City and get to see the Wizard? Tune in again next time for these and other answers to your most precious and private questions on “Searching For The Very Sould That Already Have Been Sold.”