CHAINMAIL

CHAINMAIL

CHAINMAIL is your forum ... if you have any opinions, observations, secret knowledge or simply a godlike insight into metal, we’d love to hear from you. So, to become a force to be reckoned with in metal circles everywhere, send your letters to:

CHAINMAIL, CREEM Close-Up, 7715 Sunset Blvd., Suite 202-204, Los Angeles, CA 90046.

TYPICAL OVERLY-CRITICAL READER QUESTIONS OUR INFALLIBILITY

Hi, I’m writing about your August issue, which was pretty good since you included Anthrax, Megadeth, Lizzy Borden, etc.— all of which make Motley Crue, Cinderella and Twisted Sister look and sound like the overdressed morons that they are.

I’ve got a couple gripes, though. First, in your 45s Magnum column by Chuck Eddy, the reader is told to ‘‘Avoid Raven’s hockey-goalie glam metal EP, Mad." I don’t know what the hell hockey goalies have to do with heavy metal, but Mad is not ‘‘glam metal.” Mad is the best damn power/speed metal EP on the face of the earth. Raven is the heaviest power trio in heavy metal; they’ve worked damn hard to come this far and they’re actually musicians. They’re not a band to be written off with one sentence. I talked to Wacko and he says ‘‘Everyone makes mistakes, but if he writes anything like that again I’ll see how well he can write with a Marshall stack jammed up his ass.” Fair warning, Chuck.

Second, Alexandra Staunton-James (Nice name, sweets; what’s the matter, can’t remember who your real parents are?) slagged Manowar’s Fighting The World in her review saying ‘‘This disc’s determinedly bad vibes suggest that Manowar may have to get used to their underdog status for a while.” It’s my guess that since most METAL writers are paid only to shoot down bands (exception: Dan Fox’s Tesla review. Have a drink on me, Dan), she found nothing else to bitch about except the lyrics (“sketchy juvenile sword-and-sorcery anthems”). Aww. Don’t cry, ’Lexie! Just wake up! This is heavy metal, not dance music! All Manowar’s lyrics stomp the shit out of Poison’s (“I call you on the telephone/l’m only hopin’ that you’re home”—wow, these guys must be English majors!) or Motley Crue’s ("Home Sweet Home”/‘‘Girls, Girls, Girls’VChoke Gag Barf) barely literate ranting. Did ‘‘Violence And Bloodshed” scare you or something? Should they sing ‘‘Flowers And Sunshine” instead? Your mag is always telling us to buy LPs like Unholy Death and such anyway, so leave Manowar alone! They’re a great band, as your concert reviewer said in the same bloody issue.

Final note: Right on, Alex Hernandez! Long live Anthrax, Megadeth, Raven, Motorhead, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Venom and all the other new kings. Death to the Crue, Poison and Cinderella. Rattle your goddamn head. ..

K.K.

Meriden, CT

DOCTORATES IN RANDOM

THINKING NOW AVAILABLE!

OK, your deal is relatively fair and just. I’m enclosing $27 (check) for a year’s subscription to METAL. I still think that’s a tad high, but I can’t live without it! You write with intelligence and a sense of humor, and you give your readers some credit for intelligence as well—a fact I appreciate, since I have a Ph.D. and my wife has a Master’s. We also subscribe to Kerrang! and we feel you compare very favorably. We’d love to read more about Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax and AC/DC. In fact, I’m also sending an order for the April issue, for the Dave Mustaine interview. It was great and we just have to read it again.

Keep rockin’!

Gary Jarvis

Code Madera, CA

WORLD’S ONLY POISON FAN SEEMS UPSET

To all you people who wrote bad things about Poison, you are a bunch of assholes! How can you have the nerve to call them fags? So what if they wear makeup? Kiss used to wear make-up, so are they fags? Also, Poison does not wear girls’ clothes! And when did any of you ever see them wearing ladies’ underwear?! Maybe you are the fags, seeing that you are so concerned with what kind of underwear they are wearing! Brett Michaels is the sexiest, most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He has something that you guys wish you had! Maybe that’s why you call him a fag—because you are jealous! I bet you would never say any of your bullshit to Brett or any of the other guys in the group, because they would probably beat the living shit out of you! And you know it!! So to all you shit-heads who don’t like Poison, screw you! Keep your stupid comments to yourselves, and shut your big mouths before somebody does it for you, because I know for a fact that I am not the only Poison fan out here. So fuh-Q all! ’Cause Poison rules!

Michelle Ann

Somerset, NJ

“FACTUAL FIRST SENTENCE” APPROACH!

Be warned: this is not a funny letter!

Dan Fox, thank you very much for the wonderful record review of Tesla’s Mechanical Resonance in the August 1987 issue. Tesla kicks ass...even over AC/DC, Judas Priest and Iron Maiden. Tesla, man, I’m in love with that band. Metallica had been my #1 band for years ’til Tesla came along. Man, I can’t stop listening to Mechanical Resonance, especially the tunes “EZ Come EZ Go,’’ “Little Suzi,” “2 Late 4 Love,” and “Love Me.” (I can’t believe this world we live in either, Jeff, so don’t worry about it, man. I’m on your side.) A little humor, folks. Laugh, dammit, if ya know what song I’m talking about. Also, “EZ Come EZ Go” is a great danceable track. I’m serious! And “Little Suzi” is cool to dance to also.

Man, I never felt this way before about any band. Tesla.. .Jeff, Troy, Frank, Brian and Tommy. Man, those guys kick ass. And Dan, Jeff is a man that has more than range, if you know what I mean! Ha!

“The Rich Little of Rock ’n’ Roll.” You better believe he is!

Some 21-Year-Old Chick In The U.S. Named Katie San Diego, CA

“FIRST ERROR EVER” CONTEST OVER!

In your August ’87 issue, there was an excellent interview with Anthrax, but you spelled one of there songs wrong... “Efilnikcufecin (N.F.L.).” You’s spelled it like this: “Efilnikufesin.” If you say it backwards with the correct spelling, you should say ‘‘Nice Fuckin’ Life!” I still think your mag is great! Keep up the good work!

TURN TO PAGE 85

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 5

Melissa Cangelosi

Shirley, NY

DIETY’S CONCERN WITH AMERICAN POLITICS CONFIRMED

How’d you like to send the PMRC a “love letter”? Here’s the address:

PMRC

1500 Arlington Road, Suite 300

Arlington, VA 22204

Their phone number is (703) 529-9466.

Now don’t just sit on your asses! These people are a threat. Support your music and defend your rights. Send them a letter letting them know just how you feel. Also, write your congressman; it can help. And if Tipper Gore’s husband, Albert, does run for president in ’88, for God’s sake get registered so you can vote against him.

“Loco”

Alexandria, LA

YET ANOTHER THOUGHTLESS MISSIVE

Please stop printing only the obnoxious, cruel letters and print mine—yes, mine. I really believe I must be heard because WE THE PEOPLE, and not solely the Bible Belters, are killing metal. I agree that the ignorance of those religious fanatics is great, and that they are threatening metal’s beautiful future, but who’s fueling the fires? Who throws the bottles, fires the M-80s and trashes the seats at the concerts? And how are we to show that we are decent, thinking, feeling humans if we do not act like them? Also, who cares about your obnoxious opinions of groups? You write to magazines (such as this one) and complain about the pickiest things, and you’re so rude. Why’s it that you could care less about other people’s feelings? Many people are made to feel worthless and insecure if cut down all the time; some even commit suicide. Hey—if you’re told something long enough, you begin to believe it. And how the hell would you feel? Stop being so selfish and showing the misguided religious (and otherwise) that you really are ignorant, uncaring creeps, or are just acting like them. For instance, these selfproclaimed “righteous” people claim heavy metal music is damaging to our youth—do you think they are going to change their mind if they see metalheads threatening other metalheads? If they hear their disgusting vocabulary or their vile hatred toward other metalheads? (The “thrash” and “glam” wars.) And how about those “wonderful” folks who claim that rock is “supposed” to be satanic? Come on, I’m not implying all death-metal rockers feel this way. And getting back to the “thrash” and “glam” wars, who cares if Cinderella, Poison, Bon-You-Know-Who, etc. is cute and wear “glitzy” clothes and some eye-liner? Do you really think that girls are stupid enough to spend 10 bucks on an album just so we can stare at a gorgeous guy? Get real! That’s what teen mags are for! We listen to a band for their music. It takes talent to make it. Do you honestly think a band makes it because of the lead singer’s glitzy purple pants? And what about thrash-metal (to give equal time to the other side of the coin)? It’s the same: who cares if they “underdress” (or whatever), or what they look like, as long as they are good. Take a good listen to any Metallica album, and then take a listen to Cinderella’s Night Songs or Ratt’s Out Of The Cellar (still hot with me). These albums are all good glam, thrash, polka fiesta or whatever. They’re all good and all metal. And while you’re listening to ’em, get those biased opinions out of your mind. No, I’m not comparing and contrasting these albums to each other. They all “kick.” I’m just saying, please stop and think about what you’re doing! Who cares who “rules” and who “sucks!” Voice your concerns over the important matters: censorship, concert bannings and (yuck) overall conformity to something other than the heavy metal law!

Vanessa Ferrin

Lincolnshire, IL

RESPONSE TO PRECEDING LETTER QUITE ENCOURAGING!

I’ve got a few choice words to say about the metalheads and thrashers who can't take the popularity of Bon Jovi, Motley Crue and Ratt. Who do you think you high-ons are, bad-mouthing the groups I’ve just mentioned just because you’re jealous? It’s plain and simple. You’re jealous because you know Venom, Slayer and Megadeth will never be half as good as Bon Jovi, Motley Crue and Ratt, so you can stick it where the sun don’t shine! You assholes sit there and ramble on and on about how good thrash music is, and that Bon Jovi, Motley Crue, etc. are wimps.

How can thrash music even be good if you can’t understand what those assholes are saying? They can’t even get played on the radio because of their lyrics. They sing about worshipping the devil.. . yeah, that’s real cool. I suppose you guys like worshipping with your favorite thrash bands, huh? Well, isn’t that special. That’s what I call togetherness.

To get to the point, no matter how hard thrash bands try, they will never succeed in this world. People are sick and tired of hearing thrash, so face it, you suck! Why don’t those so-called musicians and their fans go back and crawl under the rocks that you came from, ’cause you guys aren’t going anywhere in life.

Sick Of Thrash,

Angie

Warren, Mlz