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MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine

P.O. Box P-1064

Birmingham, Ml 48012

STEAMROLLER HIJINX IN MID-AMERICA

Re: R&R notes, July 79. I’ve never written to a mag before but the comment by Kansass’ Robby Steinhardt really broke the ice. It’s unfortunate that he thinks “talent” is based on how many chords you can play in ten seconds. It’s obvious that the meaning of rock ’n’ roll has become grossly distorted; e.g. the pre-pubescent “classical rock” shit that Kansass plays. I hope the sonofabitch reads this and thinks twice about knocking something he obviously can’t comprehend.

Let It Rock,

Jim DeFazio

L.A., Phoenix & points in between

RIPPY IN THE SKY WITH FLOUNDER

Yer blues, C.B. and I’ve been reading quite a while, mainly to find pictures of the Runaways and besides reading weird shit always makes me happy. I was gonna write a letter to Dyan Diamond to see if she wants to be in Rippy & the Gumshoes with me and C.B. but I was looking through the July ’79 CREEM I just got and read Penny Valentine’s column. Wow! Hey, P., I like you! You’re actually intelligent! I mean, excuse me, I didn’t mean it like that. You’re good (and so I’m Canadian but I just moved from Miimi to Corpus Christi to San Antonio). Penny, d’ya like Joan Jett? This is important, toots. If Dyan Diamond is reading this the offer is stiH good. Offer extends to Cherie Currie, Jackie Fox, Brenda K., Danielle Faye, Steve Jones, C.B., Angela “Psychic Satisfaction” from letters July 79, all of Vancouver, anyone who says “No” to Yes, Led Zep, Nugent, Rush, Boston, disco, Aerosmith, Rod Stewart and Lester Bangs; and also there are openings for anyone wanting to audition ds a Gumshge. SID sends his regards. I play “My Way” every Friday at noon.

Rippy Ramone

San Antonio, TX

P.S. Can you renew my subscription to Reader’s Digest?

(These Kim Fowleyi mind control experiments are getting out of hand.—Ed.)

LOCHINVAR REVISITED

When I saw that “Roll Over, Stephen Foster” letter in your July ish, I just had to write yas a poem about my hero—I call it: “THE BALLAD OF BUN E. CARLOS” and it goes like this:

Although Bun E. doesn’t look .The role of a rocker *So his part seems rather odd In every way I look at it Bun E. Carlos is God!

Bun E. Carlos is quite neat All he does is eat, eat, eat Bun E.^ crazy Bun E.’s fat Bun E. Carlos knows where it’s at.

Bun E.’s normalness is certainly questioned What’ll become of him isn’t destined Where have loonies been Like Carlos & his twin?

But Bun E. didn’t jump from thin air On the rock scene he did appear From a handsome guy to a cutey To Rickey’s baseball caps And through it all shines a faithful Bun E. A beatin’ on his traps!

The looks and loves for Bun E. are quite slim What can you expect—the other three distract all the attention from him! And although this isn’t, fair Carlos courteously looks t.his over—he doesn’t care.

But Bun does have some fans Like me and the fat guy behind us in the stands I think a cheer should be in store for Bun What the hell—after all he deserves one And although Bun E. doesn’t shaks golden locks Bun E. Carlos is stiH the coolest guy in rock!

Thank-ee

Feed me speed

Rotting in Pennsylvania

(And they said there was no need for retro active abortions. —Ed.)

THE BALLAD OF MALCOLM McLAREN

After WABX played Neil Young’s “eulogy” to Johnny Rotten, the mongoloid D.J. proclaimed it the story of the nbw dead former Sex Pistol. Giggle Giggle. It was Sid, asshole. Maybe Neil Young’s wrong. “He’s dead but not forgotten.” Detroit—“Rock’s Capital’? Whatza Clash, anyway?

A disillusioned Detroiter who lives near the river where everybody with a tape player Is listening to “Ring My Bell”, MI

(A head-on collision between two diametrically opposed forces, say Walt Disney and Johnny Wadd.—Ed.)

CAREER CORNER

1 have big lips. I smoke pot. Can I become a rock star?

WELL ALL RIGHT!

Cody Nelson

Gumbyville, MN

(Punky: Come home! All is forgiven.—Ed.)

THEY WENT TO DIFFERENT SCHOOLS TOGETHER

What’s shakin’! You seem to think Joe Jackson looks like Cneetah\Chrome and Rat Scabies, fyu contraire sayI (Huh?). Joe Jackson looks like Weezer from the. Little Rascals (Please mister don’t take Petie to the dogpound) and David Johansen is (you heard, it here first) Butch/Tommy (the bad kid) (or bully) to whom Spanky gave two (count ’em 2) black eyes.

Rat, Joe & Cheetah might be triplet sons of different mothers (like the “Doubleberg” Twins) as are Ted Knight, Fred Blassic (king of men) and Newfield High: (my alma mater) gymteachef Emerson Dunton. We have (in the twin category) Bruce Thomas (of Attractions fame) and Simon of the Chipmunks. Sugar Miami Steve Van Zandt & Anthony Newley'; Tommy Ramone & Michael J. Pollard; Nick Gilder & Twiggy; needless to say Keef Richard, Ron Wood & Rodney X (the latter two also having twin noses of different faces). There’s Topper Headon & Stan Laurel ;.Linda Ronstadt & Miss % Piggy: Penny Marshall (Myrna Turna) & Barry Manhole; 'Touche' Turtle & Graham Parker; Woodsy Owl & Vincent Gardenia,’Robert Gordon & Mister Rodgers (or Fred as I like to call him). The list is virtually endless.

' Try to comprehend the possibilities of twjn haircuts of different barbers: Bob Eubanks and Elvis Costello or Stan Laurel & Howard Devoto; William Demorest & Friar Tuck and back again to Ron, Rod & Richard.

Update from the Little Rascals (and other old shows): Darla Hood died at the end of June, Stymie was the black man (he’s obviously a character actor) in the Buddy Holly Story, Phil Spector was on I Dream Of Jeannie, Dr. Johnny Fever played “Goon Squad” prime time. Oh also did you know there’s no such thing as punk rock anymore (Mackenzie Phillips said) it turned into new wave and its almost music now'.

Armed Funk Forever

Keep the Faith (Cos as the Courriers say, “He isn’t just a swear word he’s the precious son of God”)

As Larry Kenny would say, hope they all come up strikes for ya!

The wimps will inherit the Earth

Coke-A-Cola is life

Hippys rot—sent Meatloaf to the oven, send Jerry Garcia to the Gallos, guillotine, electric chair, gas chamber, etc.

Kathy Kempski

Graduate, with honours from “the Legs McNeil School of Penmanship”

Suffocating in Suburbia Time Warp N.Y.

This here’s Led Zeppelin territory (more like Purgatory)

P.S. Siouxsie & tjie Banshees got 79 on rate a record on American Bandstand—Tell Edouard he Retard Sid & Nancy went to heaven.

P.P.S. Did you know Chuck Woolery was Mr; Dingle from the New Zoo Revue.

P.P.P.S, Would you believe David Byrne & Anthony Perkins.

P.f.P.P.S. Tell Billy Altman I love him!!!!! Do you guys want a TV critic? Does Rick Johnson want an assistant?

(We regret to inform you that you do not qualify for a loan from our sperm bank. Ah, hormonal imbalance.—Ed.)

~ SET ’EM UP, JOE

This is the scene in Wheaton tonite (the party’s in my bedroom). We gotta:

1) Bunch of fleas (Dbve brought ’em in)

2) One Jack Daniels mirror

3) All our Bruce Springsteen clippings from Time, Newsweek and the Post stapled to the wall (plus the Southside Johnny article from Penthouse)

4) I.R.O.C. Pix, (a must)

' 5) Endless summer never ends^you just move to a warmer climate [like Bob did])

6) Empties of alt the gut ripping liquors that’ll rip your gut to go

7) We’re smokin’ PCP & shotgunning Buds /wiser)

8) A 19-inch black & white (ready) to go

9) We’re playing Joe Jackson on our little sister’s noise box but my older brother wants to play the Sex Pistols. I hope I can fight him off.

HELP

Baur Powers ,

Rockcity, MD

RUBBER NOSES IN THE AZTEC EMPIRE

Hello There! Congratulations for your magazine, it’s just great. I write.you for a favor, can you tell those guys of Cheap Trick to make tour or a presentation in Mexico. If they went to Japan, why not to Mexico, uh? Here almost everybody is disco, BUT THERE ARE STILL SOME PEOPLE WHO LIKE GOOD DAMN MUSIC, LIKE CHEAP TRICK!!!

Any Way I think this Band is going to tour at any time other places-where Imperialism is not as high as in some places I know.

Well I think I’m going to study now, but I will be waiting for an answer. Please print!

Yours Truly

Vicente Puertas

Mexico City, MEXICO

P.S. If you can’jt bring Cheap Trick at least get me $ ticket for a gig in U.S.

P.S.3. Please forgive the hand writing, but the typewriter is out of order.

(What hath Pope JP II wrought?—Ed.)

CHECKERBOARD BELL-BOTTOMS RULE OK!

I have just one simple question and all I request is one simple answer. Which of the Van Halen brothers is older, Alex or Edward?

Thankx,

Donna

jScarboro, Ontario

(Yes.—Ed.)

ROYAL BAVARIAN MOUNTED WOOKIES

The headlines read: ANN WILSON TERRORIZES MUSIC THEORY 1101 AT U of T CAMPUS. Yes, we the students of Music Theory 101 did in fact on the night in question plant (not as in Robert) a cassette tape in Prof. Drop Dead’s cassette player. Boy, did he have a spas attack the next morn when he turned on that tape/player and A. Wilson’s howwwwl (as in dog) came squeeeeling (as in pig) out over a ten year .old K-Mart cassette tape to the tune of “I Got Da Music In Me”. Yep, we put old Bach to rest in that classical gas chamber in the sky.

Yes, another disgusting letter about that Pacific Northwest (tundra) gang of wild acid gang (banging) raping groupies called Heart, and The Moll, their leader, the most notorious mouth in the west, our fave rave, ANN WILSON. Yeaaaaaaaaa. Another cut down for Steamboat Annie, yep we luv ya Annie. Listen Ann, if you don’t get your act together and this Heart scene movin’ pretty soon I’m going to personally come up t6 Seattle and beat you to death with those sewer mains, and Bobba v Sherman will be on your hefty little heels also. DO YOU HEAR ME ANN????????????????????

Okay Susie

Okay Susie

Yeah Susie. ; f

Okay Susie, yeah I’m speakin? to you Whitall, big Ed. I know why you printed my disgusting ,• letter about Heart (“Swapping ( Frequencies” July ’79), because you hate Heart. Don’t ya? Huh? Don’t ya? Especially Ann. Well guess what? †do too. I hate em’ too. HAHAHAHAHA. Praise the Lord for the Ramones: Everybody get up and pogo-(I don’t care if it’s not in style any more). We don’t wanna hear Heart, let’s kill all of the Heart fans and then Heart. Ann goesfirst. Project “Defuse” goes into effect the minute Heart is heard or seen again.

I have to confess, I love Heart. That last paragraph was a farte. I’m in a rock band. We piay.Heart music, dress like Heart. I even (sob) look like Ann (blessing or curse, you decide). I buy every Heart album, and travel hundreds of» miles to see them in concert. I might as well confess it all, I even have a subscription to CREEM magazine (which never comes on time, hint, hint) to read about Heart. I’m a Heartaholic. I bleed for you Susie. \

The Space Needle Gang

Gabba Gabba Bye Bye i

For the “Ann Wilson Cause”

Chatter (N.Y. Accent) members receive nothing

Nada One (Not a one gets y > out alive)

K-Town, TN .

P.S. See ya in the movies Jaws, ah I mean Ann.

S.T.P. This letter is all via Bobba Sherman. Hey Ann, you two would make an ugly couple.

(//you look closely, you’ll notice Ann’s already got an ugly couple.—Ed.)

IF THE SHOE FITS...

Alright, so I’m a stupid Shit with a big mouth! I apologize to Bob Seger, his mother, and his manager. That’s" what I get for believing The Oakland Press.

“The Rochester Rat”1

Royal Oak, MI

P.S. Bob, have a happy birthday next May 31

DO CHICKENS HAVE LIPS?

Y’know what you’d get if you got rid of rock, punk, disco, heavy metal, country, jazz, classical, and progressive rock?

ROBERT FRIPP|!

An El wood Pleebis member

San Juan Bautista, CA (next to Hollister, the

“armpit of California”!)

P.S. I ain’t no hippie; the only reason I got semi-long hair is cuz my ears stick out like open car doors.

TURN TO PAGE 64

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10

ROCKAWAY LEECH

How could you mar your great (sans Lenny & Squigtones ad) Cheap Trick issue with Robert Christgau’s snideass remarks about Rick Nielsen’s talent? Geez Bob, euerybody can’t be Johnny Ramone.

See ya,

Roxy Ryan

Houston, TX

P.S. Say, is Robin Zartder-over 4'6"? *4^