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Please send letters tot MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

IN THE BEGINNING...

Will the next Pope be named George Ringo?

Jim Coonan

Baltimore, MD

(Check it out, quimjim. Our votes are already cast.—Ed.)

Dark horse entry in the pope sweepstakes. Cardinal Phil Lynott, gives his first official blessing after being elected Pope Jean-Luc Pontiff I.

OUT TO PASTURE

For once (except your notable coverage of the ever-great Sex Pistols) something worthwhile comes out in your magazine. An article on Generation X! CONGRATULATIONS! You are one of the first rock mags to have a feature on this ever-growing band. And to top it off—the ever-lasting David Bowie on the cover! Maybe there is hope for you guys after all.

From the heart,

#1 Billy Idolizer

Oakland, NJ

P.S; To Kat Gisi: Is he the ever-sensual stud they say he is?

(Kat is on a ducktail sabbatical. Sorry.—Ed.)

RANK DISCO SENT PACKING

A suggestion for your annual readers' poll: How about letting readers choose their favorite CREEM covers? You can give a Boy Howdy! to both the photographer and photographee. After all, everyone knows it's your covers that are keeping you ALIVE,

Suggestively,

Rank Disco

P.S. Patti Smith is RISEN (Easter!) (Go pack.—Ed.) AND YOU WERE THERE...

I'm a Detroit rocker. In the past I've attended many concerts from ELP to Kiss and I've never been rocked like I was 9/1/78 when Bruce Springsteen played a powerful three hours-plus. I'd like to thank you for the article on Springsteen and to say that you at CREEM do a good job each month with your magazine. Thank you for something good to read.

Thdnk you,

G.C.

Detroit Rocker

SAVAGE FELLA

Hello there. I'm a young S.F. heavy metal kid and I love hard rock. My favorite groups are Black Sabbath, Sex Pistols, Van Halen and the Runaways.

I'm 5'6", 115 lbs., and have brown hair. I'm waiting for all you chicks to come and get me. Requirements are: must be blonde, big ass and tits, and experienced. Please try to contact me girls, I'm not that bad. I am attending Balboa High School. Look for the guy who hangs around that goofy kid.

Thank you,

Iron Man

San Francisco, CA

(With favorite bands like those, you'd better contact him quick, girls—before Mr. Iron Man is just another Soft Touch.—Ed.)

KANE YOU REMEMBER?

Hey, it's me! Killer Kane! And I've been living in Buffalo all my life (bet Miss Dog Breath wasn't aware). Just thought I'd let you know I'm still alive and well. By the way, thanx to Mr. Altman for turning me on to Metallic K. O. (best comedy album I ever heard). I guess those years at U.B. messed ya up a bit, huh Billy? But you're still my fave rock critic, Bill. Anybody who eats lunch with Lou is awright by me.

I also like to invite your entire staff (especially Susan Whitall) to spend a fun-filled weekend at my place. My friends and I like to drink Goebels (brewed in Detroit Rock City), drop acid and drive our cars along the local high school cross country track at break neck speed. FUN? WOW!!!

Lost in the wheels of confusion,

Kane

Buffalo, NY

(Maybe you'd better come to Detroit, where we will Stroh you a party, Jack. Ain't no Goebels in this town. Then we'll do whippets and face our Chevettes up and down Woodward. FUN? WOW!—Ed.)

MORE SONGS ABOUT TALKING AND HEADS TALKING HEADS KING S L EAD

TA H KINGS LEAD HAT

Love,

FIREWORXARIA

(Bet you can't do that again!!—Ed.)

LAWDAMERCY! ANOTHER CONVERT!

Through past articles, we (your faithful readership) have suffered the Runaways, Patti (barf) Smith, and countless bits of pigeon droppings concerning punk rock. Yawn, yawn... yes, it's been said before, I know.

But now I would like to thank you for giving vent to an artist with something to say: Tom Robinson. It's heartening to know that y'all are interested in more than just pogoing, cosmic garbage and writing captions that rival both National Lampoon and (gag) Rolling Stone. By the by, the article and review on the Stones was tops but the skinny Chick with the industrial can of deodorant on page 45 has got to go.

One of your CREEMed fans,

Alma

Maynard, MA

P.S. How about an article on "Rocky Horror Fever'?

WHEEZE ALL IN AGREEMENT

We all know that any one who likes the accordion has to be a real homely bastard. I put them in the same league as bagpipes (tell me they're not fucked).

All the accordions in the world should be gathered together and torched, along with thinlaced, pointy lizard shoes; smelly checkered dress socks, stretchy flood pants and bow ties.

I hate the accordion, and if you like them, I

hate you too.

Ed Sawchuk for "Ban the Accordion", Thunder Bay, Ontario, CANADA P.S. You guys did a fantastic job punctuating my last letter. If I had known you were gonna publish it, I would have done a better job of writing it. Thanks anyways. I will buy your mag forever.

(What next, "Destroy All Balalaikas"? "Annihilate Afuchis"? "Cast Each & Every Glockenspiel Deep Out In The Sea"? You kids and your little clubs...—Ed.)

IRON LUNG LUST

Hey if you guys don't print this I'm gonna be totally embarrassed to have bared my soul only to have you file my letter under "F" for forgettable or some other hair-in-the-ass thing. You know it's really difficult to think up weird ways to spell ordinary fucking words so I'm just

gonna by-pass that shit and stick to the run-on sentences and wrong punctuation that your high standards require so you can prove to everyone how all your readers are semi-illiterate half-wits so that when you meet up with some fancy literary people you can save face after they find out you write for CREEM by telling them it's a big sham and you're only in it for the money after all who isn't? Anyway, I read your magazine every month and subscribe besides (I think it was the t-shirt that got me) so I'm starting to think in run-ons. You know I really loved Elvis Costello at first and bought the records and sato the concert and even joined the fan club and now he says he's not going to tour the U.S. anymore while he sits his slimy British ass down in Nashville and New York and anyplace else he damn well pleases and I'm starting to feel violent about it. Plus I really love Debbie Harry (Blondie is a group...Blondie is a group...) and does that mean I'm a lesbian? Maybe you should get a psychiatrist like that other Only Rock 'N' Roll Magazine. And hey you know I think I could really love the Boss if only all these freaks here in this scumbag called South Jersey would stop shoving him down my throat (and don't make any nasty comments about that one, Ed.). Say, who is Ed. anyway; he's not listed with the other editors...hey wait! Ed....editor...I get it! chuckle. Well bye and please try to understand.

Most certainly,

Gidget Guacamole (of Gidget and the Clots, formerly The Late Bloomers)

Trash Heap Junction, NJ

A BETTER IDEA

I have decided that after I have seen their neeto stage show, Angel should be exterminated. It's not their music; that's dumb but harmless. You see, I live close to where Punky Meadows and Barry Brandt grew up, and every other person claims to know someone who knows one of them. The following conversation actually took place in the record department at Sears, when my best friend stupidly wore her Angel T-shirt.

Some Weird Guy: You like Angel?

My Friend: Yeah.

SWG: You .party?

MF: Uhh...not really.

SWG: Oh. I know Punky Meadow's brother.

MF: Yeah. My cousin knows Barry Brandt's brother.

SWG: Yeah. Once when I went over to Timmy Meadow's house, Punky was there. Got high with him.

MF: My friend's brother played in a band with Punky. They went to Wheaton High together.

SWG: Yeah. You like Little Feat? I got high with Bill Payne once.

Enough said? Now, the best way to kill Punky is to torture him by plucking his eyelashes out one by one...

The kid with the Roger Meadows-Taylor fetish

Washington Grove, MD (Richard T. Bruiser, recreation director of the Punky Meadows Lip Farm, will be contacting you.—Ed.)

GERIATRIC VIBRATIONS

Regarding know-it-almost Ed Sawchuck's comments on the aging and deterioration process of rock stars...What the fuck do you expect, boy? Yer only 16 but someday you'll know.

I just turned 23 and sometimes I breathe hard at the top of a flight of stairs. Sometimes I breathe hard lying down but that's another story. As for Page's jowls, check out the cover of the first Zeppelin album (released almost 10 years ago— not five or six or seven) when Jimmy was a mere 25. Looks like jowls! For a skinny dude, he sure has a full face. You see, he was born during a full moon and it made his head expand. Well, 1 gotta go drink my Geritol so I can go boogie to my old rock records.

With trembling hand,

Seraphita Sensible

Athens, OH

SHE WAS A WINNER...

Howcome you have no pictures of Grace Slick?

After all, she wrote the first good punk song: "Eat Starch, Mom".

I met her at doggie dinner once and we both spit Coke at each other.

She hates the Catholic Church and is so much fun when she's drunk.

Even Johnny Rotten likes her.

I'd even bail tyer out of jail if she was broke.

a fuck ah you

guess who

San Francisco, CA

BOYS WILL BE BOYS AND CANADIANS WILL BE HOCKEY PUCKS

Just got the Sept, issue. Took one look at the back cover...Patrick Juvet, eh? Well, I've "Got a Feeling" Oust a small pun to liven things up) that this is actually Mick Tucker in disguise. Check out the lips and facial structure. It's Tucker alright. And putting on that blond wig (hence his own hair is now buzzed) doesn't fool me either. Shame on you, Mick! I never thought you'd moonlight! I mean, Sweet have never been as popular as they could be, with the right promotion, but 1 didn't think things were that bad. Well, all I can say is: if you must moonlight, it had better be good music, and if Brian, Steve and Andy find out you'll be Sorr-ee!

What ever happened to T-Rex, Slade and Sweet?

Sweet F.A. (Guess what that means) Tampa, FL

P.S. Is glitter coming back? (Not if we can help it.—Ed.)

QUIMM THE ESKIMO

The Cars are just what 1 needed. After listening to their masterpiece every day for a month, I pick up the new CREEM and find out Billy Altman likes them too. He's really got a lot of fans, doesn't he? I agree with Warren (Nuclear Age) Kinselle and Ann R. Kist: Billy Altman has got it together.

All Mixed Up

Austin, TX

P.S. Mr. Bowie sure has class.

THE KEEF QUIZ PT. I

Was Keith Richard's first son, Marlon, named after Marlon Brando? Thought maybe you would know.

Signed,

Signed, Shawn Marengo

Marie Lucas

San Francisco, CA

(As Keith would say—"My boy is one-in-aMarlon!" He is in twth named after that nefarious West-Coast bunny-wailer, "Blue" Marlin. So where'd you get a name like Shawn Marengo Marie Lucas, anyway?—Ed.)

RECREATIONAL DOG DISSECTION EAT IT, N.Y.C. CLOWNS! After hearin' so much about the famed CBGB's, me and a friend (she wants to be Ted Nugent when she grows up) decided to check this place out.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 72

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12

We were SO BORED. I mean, this place is definitely nothing to cream in the pants about, boize! Learning that we were from the Berkshires, the inhabitants of this charming, slimesque place (?) asked us why we didn't talk a' la Arlo, ya know? SO WE PROCEEDED TO TELL THEM all about being abducted into the white slave trade where we were sold to an Arabian sheik for 92 pesos. Having just gotten back (of COURSE). Now all the clowns down at CBGB's think the main export of Western Mass, is white slaves... and I thought the berkshires was boring, just another one of us whistling midgets (no, I'm not related to Rick Derringer) Springfield, MA

YOUR TURN TO CURTSY,

MY TURN TO BOW I'm a very big fan of Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band; I read your magazine every month and I find that your articles on Bob Seger are nothing but superb! I'm glad you found he has it together 'cause he really does. Thank you for everything on him; I really appreciate it very much.: You've got to be the greatest mag around. Keep up the good work!!

Many thanks always,

Connie Ellenburg Morrow, GA