CHRISTGAU CONSUMER GUIDE

CHRISTGAU CONSUMER GUIDE

by

Robert Christgau

ABBA: "Arrival" (Atlantic)::Since this is already the best-selling group in the universe, I finally have an answer when people ask me to name the Next Big Thing. What I wonder is how we can head them off at the airport. Plan A: Offer Bjorn and Benny the leads in Beatlemania (how could they resist the honor?) and replace them with John Phillips and Denny Doherty. Plan B: Appoint Bjorn head of the U.N. and Benny his pilot (or vice versa) and replace them with John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Plan C: Overexpose them in singing commercials. Plan D: Institute democratic socialism in their native land, so that their money lust will meet with the scorn of their fellow citizens. Plan E: Blast from the past: dynamite. Plan F: Blast from the future: plastique.

C

THE BEACH BOYS: 'The Beach Boys Love You" (Brother/Reprise):: Painfully eccentric and painfully sung this may be, but it is also their most inspired record since Wild Honey, not least because it calls forth forbidden emotions. For a surrogate teenager to bare his growing pains so guilelessly was exciting, or at least charming; for an avowed adult to expose an almost childish naivete is embarrassing, but also cathartic; and for a rock and roll hero to compose a verbally and musically irresistible paean to Johnny Carson is an act of shamanism pure and simple. As with Wild Honey, the music sounds wrong in contradictory ways at first—both arty and cute, spare and smarmy—but on almost every cut it comes together soon enough; I am especially partial to the organ textures, and I find the absurd little astrology ditty, "Solar System," impossible to shake. As for the words, well, they're often pretty silly, but even (especially) when they're designed to appeal to whatever Brian imagines to be the rock audience, they reveal a lot more about the artist than most lyrics do. And this artist is a very interesting one.

A-

THE BEATLES: "The Beatles at the Hollywood Bowl" (Capitol):: A tribute not only to the Beatles (which figured), but to George Martin and Capitol (which didn't necessarily figure at all). The sound rings clearly and powerfully through the shrieking; the segues are brisk, the punch-irjs imperceptible; and the songs capture our heroes at their highest. Furthermore, though the musicianship is raw, the arrangements are tighter (faster, actually) than on record; Ramones-haters should note that the 13 tunes take less than 29 minutes, including patter.

A

than 29 minutes, including patter. A GEORGE BENSON: "In Flight" (Warner Bros.)::Upon reflection, it seems to me that what Benson does these days isn't a sellout but an apotheosis—this kind of palaver has been the soul of jazz guitar since the '50s. Turn those amps up! Let's hear some distortion! - C +

BONEY M.: "Take the Heat OH Me" (Atco)::As in so much German disco, a nice suggestion of tartness undercuts the lush vacuousness here. It's not just that the rhythms are candidly mechanical; even the stiffness of the string playing sounds calculated, as if produced by some fantastic cuckoo clock. Who else could put "No Woman, No Cry" and the Peggy Lee version of "Fever" belly-to-belly except some European who thinks that whatever crosses the Atlantic is similarly funky and exotic. B

CERRONE: "Love in C Minor" (Cotillion)::Catchy tracks, a remake of "Black Is Black," and a new standard in disco porn—the protagonist brings three wotnen to simultaneous orgasm while keeping one hand on the "Door Close" button. B +

MARSHALL CHAPMAN: "Me, I'm Feelin' Free" (Epic)::After four months I still can't figure out whether this fails to reach me because I'm uncomfortable with a woman who comes on like a good old boy or because I'm uncomfortable with anybody who comes on like a good old boy, but I like her enough to hope it's neither. B

EDDIE AND THE HOT RODS: "Teenage Depression" (Island):: This is "punk" for old-time rock and rollers frightened by the concept; these guys have the money to snort coke just like their elders, and do speeded up homages to Peter Townshend, Van Morrison, Mick Jagger and even Bob Seger. Ordinary. C +

HARRY EDISON: "Edison's Lights" (Pablo)::Unlike most of Norman Granz's endless succession of low-cost jamming LPs, this pre-bop small-group session caught my ear; the solo work sounded sharp and rambunctious, the ensemble work prudent and witty. Everyone I play it for enjoys it; I like side two, which features a West Coast post-bop session pianist named Dolo Coker, as much as side one, where the somewhat betterknown William "Count" Basie sits in. Cut a little over a year ago, this is another of those reassuring demonstrations that musical styles don't obsolesce a,s long as their practitioners live on—which means that their practitioners don't obsolesce, either. A-

ERNIE KOVACS: "The Ernie Kovacs Album" "(Columbia):: Kovacs .could make me laugh very hard when he was alive, but that was 15 or 20 years ago, and like a lot of comedy his material doesn't age well, at least not for me. I mean, a lisping poet who complains to Brooth about his martini? (Compare Bob and Ray's "Charles the Poet" on RCA's sadly deleted Golden Age of Comedy.) As with the TV revivals, this record is not without laughs, but they come about once every five or 10 gags, little chuckles that feel forced even when they're involuntary. C +

LORETTA LYNN: "I Remember Patsy" (NCA)::This seemed like the perfect thing for Loretta to do while her copyrights remained in dispute; I had hopes it might take its place beside one of my favorite country albums, Lefty Frizzell Sings the Songs of Jimmie Rodgers. But legend or no, Patsy Cline doesn't belong in the same concept with Jimmie Rodgers, and the seven-minute spoken reminiscence at the close is an indulgence. B

TAJ MAHAL: MMusic tub Ya (Musica para Tu)" (Warner Bros.)::

I don't understand why this album gets put down so hard. The songs aren't very exciting, but the conception— which combines country-blues vocal phrasing and jazz-voiced horns with steel drums and a pervasive calypso beat—has finally achieved an appropriate smoothness. If you gotta listen easy, you might as well relax with this; it sure beats soundtracks, including Taj's own. B

"Mink DeVille" (Capitol):: Those who believe "underground" (well, it's better than "punk") rock means a return to basics and nothing more will cheer this sleek, friendly white r&b record, because they'll understand it. Those who insist on learning something new about the basics will continue to prefer the Ramones and Blondie, or Springsteen and J. Geils. B-

VAN MORRISON: "A Period of Transition" (Warner Bros.)::"It Fills You Up" and "Heavy' Connection" work on chant power alone, but even they go on a little too long, and in general this is an unexciting record— but not definitively. It's full of the surprising touches—the (borrowed) instrumental intros to the blues that open side one and the jump tune that opens side two, a throw-in couplet about Amsterdam that might as well have Van's fingerprints on it, aqd even the can't-always-get-what-you-need chorus on "Eternal Kansas City"—that signify talent putting out. I don't know; maybe that's depressing proof that this isn't just a warm-up. But after three years, let's say it is. B

DOLLY PARTON "New Harvest ...First Gathering" (RCA Victor):: Aficianados complain that her sell-out has become audible, but while I admit that the cute squeals on "Applejack" are pure merchandising, she's always been willing to sell what she couldn't give away. I think Dolly has made the pop move a lot more naturally than, say, Tanya Tucker. The problem with this album afflicts every genre: material. Try Best of Dolly Parton (not The Best of Dolly Parton) first. Then investigate. B-

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THE PERSUASIONS: "Chirpin' " (Elektfa)::David Dashev, the group's in-it-for-love manager-producer, dubs this record "definitive," but despite the acapella anthem, "Looking for' an Echo," I'd just call it their most spirited since We Came To P/ay, which makes it a must for devotees and a possible for everyone else. Special: "Papa Oom Mow Mow" and "Sixty Minute Man."

B +

GARY STEWART: "Your Place or Mine" (RCA Victor)::A strong comeback—this bad old boy's tendency to get mired in mannerism remains, but to hear him spit out "Ten Years of This" ("this" being a marriage) or change Guy Clark's "I'm looking to get silly" to "I'm looking to get sloppy drunk" is to be reminded that Jerry Lee Lewis has always lived off'his mannerisms. Undomesticated hard country.

B +

TANGERINE DREAM: "Stratosffear" (Virgin)::I respect their synthesizer textures, at least as subjects for further study, but these guys should leave the accessibility to Kraftwerk. When they program in received semiclassical melodies and set the automatic drummer on "bouncy swing, " the result is the soundtrack for a space travelogue you don't want to see. C

JOHNNY GUITAR WATSON: "A Real Mother For Ya" (DJM)::Hey hey, I think I've found my own easylistening funk. The riff-based tracks go on for too long but go down easy and the .lyrics have arf edge. Granted, Watson can't match George Benson's chops, but he does his Lou-Rawls-without-pipes impression as well as Benson does his Stevie-Wonder-ditto. Anyway, in music this unpretentious, modest chops are a kind of virtue. B+

JESSE WINCHESTER: "Nothing But a Breeze" (Bearsville)::One reason Winchester disappointed after his first album is that he was conceived as a singer-songwriter, expected to deliver a couple of gems and five or six semi-precious stones a year. Seeing him live with his cheerful, competent band was a revelation—suddenly he became a country singer who made pretty damn good country records. That said, it must also be admitted that this particular LP is a little short on semiprecious stones and is also entirely gemless, although "Gilding the Lily" turns a cliche the way only a popular song can and the foolishness of "Rhumba Man" borders on brilliance. Graded leniently because after all this time he deserves it. B