THE REAL SANTA CLAUS STORY!

THE REAL SANTA CLAUS STORY!

Amy Broderick

You’ve gotten the real dope in this Christmas issue: an interview with Mr. C. himself — well, we grownups have our fantasies. An eight-year old EXTRA CREEM correspondent has demanded to give her side of the story in an effort to get the story straight after years of “Yes, Virginias” and CocaCola Santas. We think you can take it.

-Ed.

Once upon a time there was a little boy named John. He was a good little boy and a nice person and heard lots of stories about a man named Santa Claus who gave lots of presents away to little kids. Santa Claus wasn’t really real back then, but John had heard lots of stories about him. He’d heard of an old man with a ten-foot long beard who had a horse and sled and stopped at houses and went on the roof and threw stuff down on them.

One day John was walking down the road and he saw a little girl. There was also a sign that said “Do Not Enter” because there was an old wizard who lived in the castle in the forest. The little girl was scared of the wizard because he blew her away. John said “Don’t blow her” to the wizard. The wizard said that he didn’t like people because nobody gave him toys. John asked him if he wanted some toys and told him the stories he’d heard about Santa Claus. The wizard said he’d like a choo-choo train and asked John to be sure he got it. John said goodbye and started walking.

He walked miles from the wizard’s forest and many years passed. Finally he got to a house with people who were making toys. There was an old lady who lived there and she had kids who made toys. John was grown up and had brown hair and a white beard and wore a red forest suit and when the old lady opened the door she said, “Are you Santa Claus?” Because she’d heard the Santa Claus stories too. John decided to say yes because for years he had wanted to be Santa Claus and figured he’d like to try the job. The old lady invited John in for some chicken noodle soup and he saw all of her kids working. She asked him if he wanted to help them. John thought and said that he didn’t know how to make toys. She said her kids would teach him and that she would make him a red Santa Claus suit because all he had was a forest suit.

Days passed and the old lady made him a suit and he got a sled and reindeer but they didn’t fly. It was Christmas Eve and it was time for John to leave with the toys they had made. The wizard had them waiting all these years for his choo-choo train, and when Santa Claus passed the wizard’s forest he gave him the present and the wizard asked if he could come in the sled to the town of Igaman. When they got to the town of Igaman they gave toys to all the children. They would open up the windows of the children’s houses and throw in the toys.

The next day all the kids were happy and playing with toys but they had left some of those toys in front of the king’s house. The king was mean and didn’t like toys. He opened his door and tripped on the toys and fell down the stairs. Santa Claus was outside the door and got arrested. The wizard disappeared and went back to the forest for some magic seeds to help Santa Claus escape. The seeds broke the jail bars because they were magic and they escaped.

John went back home and put away his Santa Claus clothes and said he was done with the Santa Claus job because he didn’t like to go to jail. He thought the Santa Claus job was too hard for him to continue to do it. The king didn’t like toys and issued a decree that would put people in jail who would have toys in their home. John and the old woman and her children decided to stay home and never go to Igaman and just make toys for themselves. That was the end of Santa Claus.

Amy Broderick, age 8