THE BEAT GOES ON

THE BEAT GOES ON

Carly: Fear Of Flying

On her most recent album cover, she's posed like a salacious tigress baiting her prey. A leggy feline hedonistically inspired with blissful erotic fantasies.

Well, at least that's what the big boys at Columbia Pictures thought when they chose Carly Simon for the much sought after lead in their upcoming "Fear of Flying", the celluloid interpretation of Erica Jong's best seller.

But to their dismay "care-, ful" Carly declined the coveted role. Manager Arlene Rosenthal explained why. "I felt that Carly could portray that character convincingly, but all the creative elements weren't particularly right for that particular vehicle." Specifically she mentioned that "the woman (Julia Phillips) who was going to direct had never directed anything."

Suggesting that if celebrated director Mike Nichols had been at the helm, their response might have been - altered, Ms. Rosenthal also added that "if this had been a role where she wouldnV have been "the" performer responsible for carrying the whole picture, it might have been a different story." In other words, she would have grabbed it:

Other film offers have , been proposed to the popu4 lar lady crooner, several opposite Robert Redford, but she's had to turn them all down because, in her manager's words, "she's been either working on an album, performing, pregnant, or newly mothefed." However, Ms. Rosenthal adamantly maintains that a film role is imminent in the near future.

Furthermore, the business advisor says that even though Carly hasn't had any professional acting or workshop experience, she will have an easy time transcending medias. "I know that Carly would make a fine actress because I've known her so well for 10 years. Besides she doesn't look like anybody else...except Mick Jagger."

A.J. Morgan

Why Wheeze?

LOS ANGELES-Why ever would a group of young musicians . call themselves Wheeze? A social commentary on the atmospheric quality of their adopted hometown Los Angeles? Do they , perhaps shqre a common bronchial infection? No. In actuality,' Wheeze is the world's first computernamed rock "n" roll band.

It all began innocently enough. The original national touring company of Jesus Christ Superstar was disbanding, and four of the cast members decided to form a group.( (Other cast members went on to found underground) religions and appear on Hollywood Squares.) The four needed two more members, and, nepotism being alive and well inrock (Allman I Brothers, Doobie Brothers, Pointer Sisters) , the needed manpower was recruited from available siblings.

All well and good, but now the problem: what to call themselves? (If they had all understudied Jesus, "The Carpenters" might not have been a bad idea, but none of them did. Besides, another pair of siblings laid claim to that name, and furthermore, had released a single7 called "Superstar" that had nothing to (do with Jesus. Imagine) The naming of the group was left up to an electronic brain located ih of all places, Houston, Texas.

Swish!

Q: What doss an Arkansas country boy like Jim Dandy call Wilt Chamberlain after Wilt tells him what he'd like to do with those †*#@ I Black Oak Arkansas records?

A: Sir.

Sisterhood (JberAlles!

Snapped at the recent Free Patty Hearst rally held in the Apollo Theatre are two young debs united in solidarity! with the elusive Tania. In a landmark address on the New Politics, MacKenzie Phillips told the throng that *1 think it's bogue what the pigs are trying to lay on the sister." "Yeah," echoed Suzi Quatro in her own prepared statement, "and if they don't back off — we're gonna give 'em the fist!" And then both raised their arms in fierce homage to Ms. Hearst and recited the new warcry of Revolutionary peoples everywhere: "UP TO THE ELBOW!"

The computer was programmed with the names of the top 100 rock groups and, using a fbrmula known only to IBM and David Bowie's mother, it decided that the next supergroup's name would be Wheeze.

And has this come to pass? Well, the group is more popular now then it was in, say, 1936; they regularly headline the Starwood (a popular LA club), have been offered sevieral receding contracts, and make enough from their music to live together with assorted managers, roadies, girlfriends, boyfriends, dogs and piggeons in a large Hollywood house.

Their future? Well, a few weeks ago Wheeze sent off their date of birth and five dollars to an astrological computer in New York. Word should be coming back any day now.

Peter McWilliams

Eighteen And I Like It?

LONDON — British singersongwriter Pete Wingfield was so taken with the jargon while flipping through various Yank trade papers that he wrote a love song incorporating a lot of it. It didn't go over the heads of the English record-buying public, either, because "Eighteen With A Bullet" scorched up to the top 10 in the UK in a couple of weeks.

The song, done in a dowap-a-doo 50's style, was getting some heavy "action" on New York soul stations at last check.

Here are the lyrics (all under-assistant West Coast promotion men are hereby disqualified):

A EIGHTEEN w WITH A BULLET

Chorus: j

I'm eighteen with a bullet,

Got my finger on the trigger

I'm gonna pull it.

I'm picked to click now

I'm the son of a gun!

So hold it right there, little girl

We're gonna have big fun

I may be an oldie,

but I'm ar goodie too

I'll last forever, and I'll be true to you

Oh yes I will

(Chorus)

I'm a super soul sureshot, yeh

I'm a national breakout.

So let me check your playlist, mama

Come on let's make out, I'm high on the chart

Tipped for the top

But till I'm in your heart,

I ain't never gonna stop.

Never never baby..

We got a smash dopbleheader,

If we only stay together

Talking about you,

talking about me

(Chorus) /

Be my A-side Baby

Be B-side me

Right now I'm a single

But pretty soon you'll see We'll have a hit first time Won't be long you'll find That we're raising

a whole LP. *

(* Lyrics by Peter Wingfield Ackee — Music Inc. Uncle Doris Music. ©1975)

Nicole Diver

The Fox Trots?

'MUNICH—A study of Munich's three best orchestras revealed that 60 percent of the musicians suffered adverse reaction from playing avant-garde music. The loud unexpected electronic sounds were linked to diarrhea, stomach ulcers, heart problems, and insomnia in the musicians.

Instant Karma Is Gonna Get You

HOLLYWOOD-When (he cat was away, the cat burglars preyed. An obviously off-beatthief broke into evangelist cum actor Marjoe's abode, raising the usual hell and havoc in the Big M's house — \ disheveling drawers, book shelves, and closets. But this light-fingered-Louie added a little more flair to his thievery: turning on both of Marjoe's stereos full volume and lighting all the cigars in the humidor one, by one. Next,he arranged the, cigars on the coffee table to spell an unmentionable (you guess which one, I mean, how creative can you get with cigars) and scribbled Bible quotes on the walls.

As a finale, he did a quick change, exchanging his worn jeans and tee for some of Marjoe's natty wares. But you couldn't say this was a perfect crime; the bungling burglar forgot his phone book in the pocket of the jeans he left behind.

Marjoe's only comment as he riveted his eyes heavenward was "somebody up there likes me."

Jaan Uhelszki

The Hawk ; Soars Free

MEMPHIS, TN.—"When last we joined our rambunctious, red-eyed country star, Jerry Lee Lewis was embroiled amidst the legal entanglements of another law suit. This one concerning, you will recall, a certain waitress lady who contended The Killer had continuously poked her in the posterior while she attempted to ignore this barbarous intrusion upon her womanly pride, serving drinks at a Memphis fish catering night spot. The waitress sought a one hundred thousand dollar damage suit, claiming The Killer had "...brutally & savagely attacked..." her after she'd exchanged quips with our Golden-Locked hero.

Lo & behold, come court, day Lewis and defense attorney had an ace up the sleeve. Although fined twenty-five dollars and ten bucks in court costs for assault & battery—woman beating is sorely frowned upon down south—the waitress seeking the one-hundred-thou. in damages wound up being fined fifteen dollars and ten bucks in court costs herself. It seems City Court Judge John Getz found the lady guilty of malicious mischief after it was proven that she'd incurred The Killer's wrath by breaking his violih bow, at which point she was slammed soundly on the head by a fiddle-wielding Lewis... shades of El Kabong!...and as previously stated, The Hawk does indeed soar free and as loose as always.

Guess Who's A Shoe-In

Who cays being a rock star is a full-time job? Not the Guess Who's Burton Cummings, who between LP's and tours sells shoes at a Buster Brown store in downtown Winnipeg. Obviously, Burt does a good job: the manager of the store, J.D. Lacey, has just awarded Cummings these golden shoes to commemorate sales of over $1 million worth of loafers. .

Joshua Wayne Orange

Car's Star Number One

MINNEAPOLIS—Being a car salesman must bring out the ham in everyone. Don Powell, who with his family owns four Ford dealerships in Minnesota and Iowa, cut a record album and is now shopping for a major label to release it.

Powell, however, is not your ordinary Ralph Will-/ iams. He spent eight of the last 11 years in the music business, managing, among others, Stevie Wonder and David Bowie, and 'Cowriting (under the pen name Don Hunter) with Little Stevie the current Stones single, "I Don't Know Why" (on Metamorphosis), which was the flip side of Stevie's "My Cherie Arpour."

After three years in the car business, Powell, 30, maintains that it is crazier than the music industry. "Entertainers are so normal they're dull. The general public is much weirder, than most entertainers. Its fascinating— everyone who walks in off the street is into a different trip."

Powell admits, though, that he sometimes got itchy. "Once you've been in the music business, it's hard to divorce yourself from it." And now music has got the best of him again—Powell is on leave of absence from the car world to coordinate the fall worldwide tour of a friend who helped out at keyboards on Powell's new album, a friend named Stevie Wonder.

Jon Br^am

But What If One Of Them Was Superman?

MECHANICSVILLE, IOWA —Crushing days of disappointment "have befallen hapless teens in Mechanicsville. City fathers have removed the teen Mechanics" fave hangout as a result of the dozen-minus youths who congregate nightly "making snide remarks" to older denizens who happen by, not to mention engaging in minor trashings and other teen-related devices of wasting away the summer months. Hence, the City Council's and Mayor's removal of those hallowed,portals representing freedom for Mechanicsville's miscreants — the town's only telephone booth.

5 YEARS AGO

STONES FORM LABEL, LP DUE!

The Rolling Stones have announced thd formation of Rolling Stones Records. The new company will be distributed by Atlantic and will primarily feature the Stones. Their label debut albim is tentatively titled Sticky Fingers.

LENNON AND HARRISON SOLO LPs

John Lennon is working with Ringo alone of all the rest of the Fab Four on his first solo album which may be ready by Christmas, and George Harrison is doing the final mix on his first solo album (which includes no former Beatles), due out in a matter of days.

J.W. Orange