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Please send letters to: MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, Ml 48012

DEAR CREEM

Is Suzi Quatro Rick Derringer’s twin brother or is Rick Derringer Suzi Quatro’s twin sister?

Here’s looking at you kid.

Sincerely,

Cleveland, Ohio (of course)

or well at least not yet (No, but Rona Barrett sends her love anyway -Ed.)

MACHINATION GROWS HAIR ON PALM

Wish to offer my heartfelt appreciation to R. Meltzer for his contribution to Blue Oyster Cult’s latest album. I know of no other artistic collaboration in rock which deals so cohesively and articulately with the machinations of evil. Meltzer, the band and its producers should be congratulated for their perception. If the human condition is not to be bottlenecked more so than it already is, it is essential for us to know what we’re up against.

Humbly,

Mike De Bow

Bel Air, Ind.

Air, (I’d rather be up against Patti Smith. - Ed.)

BUCKEYE BLOWOFF

Re the Rahsaan Roland Kirk review in your May issue: Mr. Edmund O. Ward is hereby given notice that he is enjoined from making any further references to “Dayton bars,” “Cincinnati pawn shops,” “Dayton radio stations,” “Dayton jazz clubs,^ or to any other cultural institutions in the Southwestern Ohio political subdivision, unless he actually lives here in God’s country.

Attending that radical college up in Yellow Springs doesn’t count as living in Ohio, Mr. Ward, and unless you immediately cease your condescending allusions to our fine metropolises, the gravest consequences will

follow. You will be forcibly kidnapped from yout Sausalito houseboat by a crack commando squad of former Green County deputies, and taken at once to the Phil Donahue Show (another Dayton cultural instituion, as I’m sure you know), where you will be introduced to the old ladies of the audience as an abortion-on-demand advocate. The People’s Justice will then be swiftly executed.

Peace & Love, Brother,

R. Milton Siegel

Field Marshall

Southwestern Ohio Rockcritics’ Defense League

MANGY ANGIE

First of all, talk about ugly. Angie gets the vote. She represents the sleazez-faire. She’s so up front she has to walk backwards to stand still. Now some negative points. The pages don’t stick together when I read about Angie. In my estimation, Angela Mcboing-boing subseeds the matter energy of jumbo fag rock.

energy Michael Alexander

Michael Alexander Wichita Falls, Texas

DIAMOND WOGS

DIAMOND WOGS Feticia walked up the steps and down the long bridge that disappeared into the side of the dome. It was much bigger than she had imagined and seemed so silent and menacing. Nevertheless she was determined to rescue her sister from the fiend that dwelled within. What terrible hold could this beast have on her dear sweet innocent sister. It was with grim trepidation that she had driven the twenty miles from the city to this Disneyland of decadence in the desert. She crossed the final few feet to the door and rang the bell. Suddenly she felt someone’s hot breath on the back of her neck. She whirled around and screamed, then fell to the ground in a swoon. To be continued

... Mr. Jitters and the Snake

Dodge City, Kansas

Dodge City, Kansas (Yeah, and if you listen to too many Bowie records, the same thing can happen to you —

BREAKING UP PS HARD TO DO

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO i heard the album and blew my top cuz now I’m sure that it will be a flop hey, DAVE! it don’t sound right hey, DAVE! the words are a fright

not JAGGER and the

ROLLING STONES we like lyrics when they sound unreal we want better and we want it soon maybe you will say I’m wrong but chuck it, DAVE, and play a real song DAVID BOWIE, the spiders are dead DAVID BOWIE, the album’s a mess DAVID BOWIE, oh now i know HOT DAMN, got ripped again capt. z and droogs apolloville ealifornication

P.S. if you find the single version of ‘RUBBLE, RUBBLE,’ buy it. it’s better than the album version.

P.P.S. did someone give BOWIE the lobotomy he asked for in ‘ALL THE MADMEN’ from the fantastic ‘MAN WHO SOLD THE WORLD’ lp?

P.P.P.S.S. get the above mentioned fantastic lp, you post-‘ZIGGY’ BOWIE phreaks, and see what real MUZAK sounds like!

A BURNT-OUT CASE

I’m through with the paint, the bottles and brushes with sky-high platforms and Friday night rushes with drinks and smoke, amphetamines, music and bars and old tired queens. The parties over, it’s long past due, it’s time to be somebody new.

E. Vallium

Georgetown Resident (How about Euell Gibbons? — Ed.)

OLD GOATS CLEAN UP In Lisa Robinson’s column of May ‘74 she states that “3/4 of the money made by the music industry is done so by musicians under 25 years old.” Look at May’s cover, not one of those musicians is under 25. In fact at least 3/4 of the money made by the music industry is done so by musicians under 25 years of age. Leftovers of the 60’s?

B.A.D.

Pontiac, Mich. ,

OBSCURRO TORTILLA HOLDS OUT In the May issue of your magazine you advertise a super jam that took place in Canarsie, N.Y. (Called Basement Tapes From Attica State. — Ed.) I have tried desperately in vain to purchase this album but I have had no kind of luck! Every record store I went to did not have it or they never heard of the label Harmony House. Recently I had the occasion to see Buzzy Linhart at Max’s Kansas City in N.Y.S I asked him about the album and he denied ever being on the album. If there is such an album can you tell me how I can obtain it? You co-operation in this matter will be greatly appreciated.

Robert Cerafice N.Y. -

P.S. Your magazine is outta sight. I never miss an issue. Keep up the good work. Your article on Foghat was great in the April issue. My congratulations to Ben Edmonds.

(Try writing your congressman. — Ed.)

BEESWAX MINDER SPEAKS OUT Dear Mr. Bangs,

I was puzzled, enthused, pissed off and mostly sexually frustrated by your Grace Slick interview. I have been trying to figure you out ever since that “Funhouse” review back in the old CREEM. After reading about Grace I had to dig up all the things by you I had, including those ever vague interludings with Lou Reed back in July ‘73. Why do you always ask people if they shoot speed? You even called it crank this time, Lester, goddam, that’s heavy. Next time, say to Lou or even Donovan, “Wanna test my soak of DZ’s?? They’re yellow now.” And Lester, you will capture a complete new audience you can identify with ...

... but what I really got to know is what did you prove by winding up that meaningless dialogue with Grace so quickly? Quote: “She laughed, agreed, and^we had another drink.” Well did you ball her or not? If you didn’t, Les, we the speed freek CREEM readers think you are a Big Pussy. After all, a middle aged hippie broad who goes around flashing her tits is asking for it, right? I gotta know these things, so print your reply.

Joe Palooka, PhD.

St Louis, Mo.

P.S. Let me guess, Paul Kantner walked in during foreplay?

(Hey, have you heard about Jesus? - Ed.)

VE VILL BERRY YOU Blue Oyster Cult? Lou Reed? The Dictators? Berlin’s Brats? Paul Kantner? Is this the next phase of rock music? This is the likings of the stuff they piped into the doctor’s offices and gas chambers all over Europe during WW II. What are we going to call this new fad? Rodney Bingenheimer’s “Dictatorship Rock” is tacky and off the mark. (Much like Rodney himself.) Why don’t you run some sort of contest to name it? You could offer swell

prizes like a human skin lampshade or Hitler’s missing testicle. Here are my suggestions. How about swastika rock or the goosestep boogie? And for names of groups they could be Adolph’s, Allies or the QB Seven. But no matter what you call it, isn’t it refreshing to see something wholesome like Nazi-ism replacing that awful fag and glitter stuff?

Vic Stanley Cary, Ill.

P.S. After listening to Queen am I safe in assuming that munchkin rock may be the very next phase?

(How about commie rock? — Ed.)

MORE FASCISM

Nancy Deddoe (March, 1974, next to last letter) knows it all, which all of us rock fans know also; just because you don’t know this simple fact of life (subgender rock), means nothing to anything. (Unless the people at CREEM aren’t rock fans!) (This disturbs me.) I SEE THE LIGHT! CREEM is controlled by HITLER WORSHIPPING Establishment/ FBI/CIA/Crypto-Nazi BANANAS!!! YES, YES!!! Issue May, 1974, pg. 75, Grace Slick interview — L. Bangs likes ‘Vicarious dictatorship.” BLUE OYSTER CULT!!! KISS!!! ME 262!!! THE TWISTING OF ROCK TO YOUR OWN TWISTED MYSTERIOUS ENDS!!! OH MY GOD!!! MY DOOR! THE SOUND OF HOB-NAILED PLATFORM SHOES!!! AAH!!! AAH!!! NOOOOOOO!!! BLOOD; MY, MY BLOOD!!! Yqu, you dirty bastards, we’ll get you, we’ll — AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

Thank you,

Captain China General Delivery Pahoa, Hawaii

SLOBBER COUNT

After spotting the cover of the June issue (Angie and David on the cover) I nearly climaxed in my pants. I picked it up in my shaking hands and read in the left hand corner, “The Naked Bowie.” Total orgasm! That article had to be the best I’ve read so far. For freaks like me, it’s hard to come by a Bowie story. They are few and far between. I guess some people just dpn’t have the good taste that others have. Oh well, they will just have to find out sooner or later that the Bowies are what the world has been waiting for. Anyway, keep those nude photos of David (and Angie) coming. ;

Ecstatically yours,

One of those groupies who gets her thrills by looking through rock'magazines and slobbring all over the pictures',

Colleen Fox

Hollywood, Cal., where else?

BABOON TO MANKIND Bangs’ downfall was caused by two horrendous errors which forever marked him as the epitome of incompetence. I was ready to forgive him for the unjust article he wrote about Emerson, Lake and Palmer because,, after all, their genius is above any rock magazine’s criticism. But Bangs had tlje nerve to turn around less than a month later and state that the Stooges are “the ultimate heavy metal band” and that their lyrics have meaning and direction, which is more than any music lover can stomach. Bangs claimed that to make up for their lack of talent, ELP had to turn to more visual effects. I suppose Iggy smearing himself with peanut butter, beating his head on the stage, assaulting females in the audience, and carrying on like some kind of baboon is totally audial?

TURN TO PAGE 82.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10.

Fractious Fingers Los Angeles, Cal.

(Bangs: “Wanna buy a used lorgnette?”f

WIDE TRACKIN'

As you probably know, great discoveries are frequefttly caused by accident. So, anyway, the repairman who fixed my stereo goofed up on their wiring of the stereo. As I was foolin’ around with the knobs, as I was playing my Raw Power lp (which is the ultimate heavy metal album as you well know), I switched the stereo over to mono and then I switched the bass record compensator from RIAA over to “tape.” lo and behold, on the song “Raw Power” I could hear a background voice singing “oooooooh” very sinisterly throughout the song WHICH HAPPENS TO BE INAUDIBLE WHEN YA PLAY THE RECORD LIKE YR SUPPOSED TA. ALSO, seconds after James starts his guitar solo on “Shake Appeal,” Iggy mumbles something WHICH HAPPENS TO BE INAUDIBLE WHEN YOU PLAY THE RECORD LIKE YR SUPPOSED TA. Which I guess goes to show that Iggy and James are right: that carrot-top Bowie did do a poor mixing job on Raw Power. Well, I must get back to my research. Get Iggy on TV,

Madam Curie Deutschland, Pa.

WHAT'S THAT SMELLS LIKE FISH?

The May ish was pretty tasty (SCOTT DUHAMEL!) and it’s always nice to read about Ray Harryhausen (JASON & THE ARGONAUTS, EARTH VS THE FLYING SAUCERS, THE VALLEY OF THE GWANGI!!!) but you seem to be amiss on a detail here. Namely, where Ed Naha is talking about sqidz n octopi and mixing em up. A simple way to tell them apart (should you ever want to) is that squids have ten arms whereas the octopus has only eight. Also: there are three ways to spell the word griffin but “griffen” is not one of them. “An informed public eats the press.”

Couldn’t hit it sideways,

Bruce Townley Alexandria, Ancient Egypt

ELTON JOHN, JUNKYARD DAWG

I’m writing in rebuttle to “all them gals at Beaver College.” Take out your ear plugs little lovelys, cuz Elton does not have a virgin mouth! Here’s a sample for your eyes to examine (Note: in the copying of this statement there were no additions of censors.) Quotes “What we are offering is undivided love and devotion, a fucking good royalty for the artist, and a company that works its butts off.” What the pudgy pianoman is speaking of is Rocket Records. I could present more, but I have so many magazines half of which have similar language in them.

Also, ladies are you blind? When 'I saw those pictures I got the impression he was

pudgy (my glasses were off). I saw him in Seattle, Aug. 73 (glasses on, center front row) and he still looked pudgy. He likes to be referred to as the human cheesecake. Well for your benefit gals I will refer to him as pleasingly plump.

I hate (giggle) to be the one to break the news to you, but Elton’s new fashion surprise is pink eyeshadow.

Warning: If you Beavers persist in dragging Eltie into the Donny Osmond category by declaring him not a part of the rock-n-roll crazies, I’ll just have to send you a two-year subscription to Fave so you can get back on the yellow brick road to bubblegum land. Elton already said goodbye and where he’s heading, you couldn’t handle it, loves.

I’m sure the editors refuse to turn CREEM into one of those movie type rags.

Jeanette Rouse

Portland, Oregon

P.S. A centerfold of Elton? I could dig it. (Keep pasteurizing your creem, it’s smooth going down.),

DESIVITIVELY HUMP Concerning the review of James Vincent’s Culmination in the June Rock-a-Rama: what is a “jazzbo hump?” And what’s so nifty about the packaging? And where’s the “force field”? And in what way is James Vincent “like ice cream” (aside from the fact that he’s wearing a nifty jazzbo hump force field mister softie polar type cap on the back of the cover)? I liked the record, but don’t agree that it is “that though different than same” vis-a-vis Svengali by Gil Evans, rather it is more apart from the nearly closer away to, via-a-vis u and me.

Oogumboogum t’yootoo, rock:

John Doe

St. Louis, Mo.

(Thank you for your participation. Wanna write T-shirt ads? — Ed.)

PRODIGAL'S COMEBACK

Pleeze, pleeze forgive me! I should have known better. I thought you were fulla shit panning Yes till 1 heard Tales From Topographic Oceans. This little kid that boosts records and sells ‘em cheap offered it to me for a buck and I wouldn’t take it. You were right alia time. I’m sorry. Can I come home?

Reddie (that’s me)

Visalia

(Yep, and Mother’s got a nice woofer for you. -Ed.)

THE MOTHER TONGUE MARCHES ON Either...

The editors of CREEM write the “Letters to the Editors” themselves. In which case they are comic literary geniuses.

Or...

The letters to CREEM are authentic. In which case there are a helluva lotta people out there who thankfully escaped the deadening effects of English courses. And who encourage the belief in the good sense of people of at least one ex-professor of English and tired Texas radical.

Boy howdy!

Dr. John, the Ice Man

San Diego, Calif.

(The letters to CREEM are all written by our readers. The editors have enough trouble thinking of smartass replies.Ed.)