SPORTS

Sonny Liston was a Taurus. Do you know what that means? It means he’s in there with a very select crowd of Taureans, including Plato, Kant, Charlie Parker and David Roter. But of all of them Sonny’s the only one who showed his hand so early in the game that THEY JUST WOULDN’T LEAVE HIM ALONE. Plato even stole all the

mustard from that other famous loser-from-the beginning by the name of Socrates. Note, it was Sonny who did it earliest, from even earlier than Muhammad Ali. Y’know of,.course Ali and Sonny were the same fighter. Or at least two aspects of the same thing, y’know cause both of them got pushed around in the same sort of way. Except with Sonny it was they said he had gangsters in on his action so New York State didn’t want him around. I mean who didn’t have gangsters, I mean if some did everybody did, I mean what’s the difference between Blinky Palermo and Gil Clancy? I mean even if. And who even says it was if. I mean why didn’t those assholes leave Sonny alone, I mean couldn’t they appreciate, just sit back and enjoy the way he was knocking out Wayne Bethea in 69 seconds? Or Nino Valdes who used to be a pret-ty big star and Sonny knocked him out in three. He got Zorra Folley too and at the time even Ring Magazine didn’t wanna recognize Sonny as number one contender until he beat Folley. And the only reason Folley was number one at the time was his decision over Eddie Machen! I mean did you ever see when Sonny fought Machen? Machen just couldn’t do anything but back up scared shit for 12 rounds and Sonny kept hitting him in the balls because he was really lunging after a while and Machen was always backing up so he fell short.

Machen’s the guy who made Ingemar Johansson possible when Ingo knocked him out in 1 round. So Johansson got a shot at Patterson and beat him bad and then Patterson got back at him next time. But it would’ve been better if Johansson had defended his title against Sonny instead of giving Floyd a rematch. That way Sonny would’ve won it from Johansson instead of from Floyd so Sonny’s reputation wouldn’t have stemmed (for so many people) from having demolished Floyd. I mean what does demolishing Floyd mean? It doesn’t mean shit because Floyd’s the most worthless cucumber ever to win anything. And all those worthless, worthless, worthless swine who write the columns like Milton Gross and Howard Cosell! All those duds and a half, they all think that to mention Sonny you’ve gotta pay tribute to the man he beat. What dummies! I mean who the flying goddam is Floyd Patterson?

Sonny’s just so much better than that. Obviously coulda beat Louis or Marciano or any of them, obviously. Obviously. And the business about getting hit with no punch in the Lewiston, Maine fight. I mean I’m sure not everybody was sitting on the same side as the camera, they hadda of seen it because it was there. It was, yes it was. There was the same punch in the Ali-Folley fight and they didn’t complain about it there. So why pick on Sonny? And here’s what Lee Dembart had to say in his Sonny obit in the NY Post: “Through six listless rounds in Miami Beach the crowd watched Liston and Clay spar that February night in 1964.” Listless? I mean, I mean he’s, he seems to be talking about the first Clay fight, can it be that’s what he’s talking about, huh? Well I tell you one thing: THAT FIGHT WAS NOT LISTLESS. Jesus, man, they used to say that he faked the bum arm in that one, now they’re saying it was a dull fight!

Good thing Sam Langford never got bigger, just think of all the things they would have dumped on him if he ever made it!

The thing everybody wansa know except for which Baltimore it is (Maryland or Missouri) is who’s gonna win all the marbles and rings in the big one, is it gonna be Dallas Cowboys or is it gonna be Baltimore Colts? Do you really wanna know who? Okay, the record’ll tell you plain and simple that yours truly is the only guy to pick perfectly the first four games. I picked

Green Bay, I picked Green Bay again. I picked the Jets. I picked KC. I even picked the scores to the point. It wasn’t hard, I just know my football. And I’m not afraid to go out on a limb once again, I’m picking another winner this year too and I’m also picking the score again too. I’m goin even further tho (cause why settle for just duplicating past good stuff?), I’m pickin the plays. That’s right.

The Grey Cup’s pretty good but only a fool or a Mounty or somebody who doesn’t know his football would pick it over the Super Bowl. Joe Kapp wouldn’t even pick it over the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl is real good. It’s exciting, it’s thrilling, it’s full of excitement and thrills. There hasn’t been a single dull one yet and this year’s gonna be no exception. You can bet your groceries on that. Whether you’re goin to the game or just watchin it on your TV set you can be sure it’s gonna be a good one. I’d take any odds on that.

First of all, Dallas is gonna be the one who gets the trophy. Second, they’re gonna win a squeaker but it’ll still be tremendously big. Third, the score will be 16-13 in their favor and their favor only. You can see in your mind’s eye the tremendous victory that’s gonna take place when the two teams meet for the showdown in Miami, Florida, the third time ever that they’re playing it in the boardwalk capital of continental United States exclusive of Atlantic City. And what’s gonna win it so big for Dallas is their 2 quarterbacks Johnny Unitas and Earl Morrall. Quarterbacks get all the credit all the time except when they’re bad and this year’s no exception. They’ll be the spiritual sparkplug too but most important will be their 11 of 25 in the air, that’s what I’d say they’ll do. Baltimore’s California-bred Craig Morton — he’ll probably get no rest and Staubach’ll never appear — he’ll do only about 12 of 26, good but not as good, and not as good is not good enough in this man’s game.

Quarterbacking won’t be all. Catching and running will be factors too. John Mackey the scouts say is a good one, he’ll bring Dallas a TD of, say, 75 yds or so. It could even be on an unusual play, something like a Baltimore defender tipping it right into his hands since Baltimore coach Tom Landry often stresses tipping in practice and sooner or later it’s bound to go

awry. Nowatzke’s a real good ball carrier and it’s obvious that he’s gonna score too, he’ll score from, let’s say, the 2. They won’t stop him on it at all, not even Baltimore’s fierce front four of Larry Cole, Jethro Pugh (no relation to Jethro Tull), Bob Lilly and the other one Andrie. On the other hand, tackling will figure big in the play of those who can tackle well, none other than the defensive line of the Cowboys, starring Bubba and Billy Ray Smith, Roy Hilton and they have another one too. They’ll dd some intercepting too, I’m betting that led by Mike Curtis they’ll pick off thrte and maybe Baltimore’U get 3 also. All even in that department but in fumbles I wouldn’t at all be surprised to see victorious Dallas lose four and Baltimore only one (it’s a matter of hand attitude). Four to one shouldn’t really make a big difference, it’ll just mean that whenever they’re in enemy territory and they lose the pigskin it’ll mean a stopped drive and whenever they lose it in their own territory it’ll mean bad news. You can expect it, it’ll keep things dramatic. The kicking’s gonna be important too, and I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Jim O’Brien, Dallas’ rookie who kicks, kicks a field goal in addition to his two extra points — no wait, chances are he’ll miss one because he’s, let’s face it, not the best — making their total 16.

Baltimore will get into the scoring column too, but nothing except for Mike Clark field goals until the 2nd quarter probably, then it’ll most likely come on a run by Duane Thomas on a handoff from Morton, couldn’t be more than 7 yds: it’s that underrated Dallas defense holding em to nothing! Despite all this, Baltimore will lead in some categories and here’s my guess which ones: yds penalized, rushing ydage, punts (they’ll be punting all afternoon). It will be a very fine game.

But it hasn’t happened yet and when it does it could go all different, as predictions aren’t worth a hill of beans except when they’re right and stand the test of time. But on Dallas’ Jim O’Brien’s toe alone, they’ll be going longer and farther. But since anything can happen, don’t blame me. And don’t say I didn’t warn you in advance.

From R. Meltzer’s forthcoming book, Soft Dull, an analysis of sports from the inside of the alternative culture. To be published by Lion Press, this spring.